|
|
Disclaimer: Yep, these
characters are the property of MCA Universal and Ren Pic., I’m just having some
fun with them that’s all. And believe you me, I sure ain't making any money at
this endeavor…truth be told, I’m in it for the fanmail!
Sexual Content: Um, well,
kinda sort of…maybe? It’s more than just sex though, it’s about a state of mind
really.
Acknowledgements: Well, I
was fortunate enough to be given this idea by Claire Withercross who is far too
busy with her way better stories to have been bothered with this one. For some
reason she thought of me…you’ll understand after you read a bit…or maybe not.
Anyway, Claire, thanks for all your help and encouragement. You are just the
best and I am sure proud to be your #1 stalker still…I am right? Also, thanks
would have to go to Chantal for generally putting up with me and very often
fixing up my English and spelling. The funny thing is that English is my native
language and her second one and she corrects me all the time. What’s that
about? Raindrop, you’re the best. Finally, I just want to say thanks to the
gang at the Bardic Circle…you guys are great and I’m proud to be among you.
Feedback: Oh yes, I love the stuff! BlindzonElyzon@aol.com
To : xenawp@destroyer.net
From : gabb@potedaia.com
Date : Mon 3 June 454 BC 14:00 CGT
Subject : Hi!
Hi Xena,
My name is Gabrielle, some call me Gabby, and I just
wanted to write and tell you how much I enjoy what you do. I’ve kinda been studying
warriors and princesses and well, I just think you blend these two vastly
different types of personalities in such a unique way, well I was just kind of
wondering if I could correspond with you and ask a few questions.
If you wouldn’t mind it too much, I know I could learn
loads from you.
A fan, Gabrielle
----
To : gabb@potedaia.com
From : xenawp@destroyer.net
Date : Mon 3 June 454 BC 17:34 CGT
Subject : Re: Hi!
Gabrielle, Thank you and yes, you may ask me some questions.
It’s always nice to hear from fans.
Xena
----
To : xenawp@destroyer.net
From : gabb@potedaia.com
Date : Mon 3 June 454 BC 17:45 CGT
Subject : A question
Hi Xena!
I was so excited to get a reply from you that I just
had to write you right away! Oh, this is so great, your willingness to answer
my questions and my being able to learn from the best there has ever been. What
an opportunity for me! Gee, you sure are great about this. <g
Okay, I have so many questions to ask you but I’ll try
not to overwhelm you with my curiosity…some people say I’m too curious for my
own good, but if you don’t ask questions and try to figure things out, how are
you supposed to learn? I admit that time I looked in that window the night
Helena and Rufus got married may not have been the best decision, but if the
tree branch hadn’t broken, and who’d of thought it would swing in that
direction, and what do you think the chances are that I end up smack dab on
Rufus’ back while he was…well, just say that Rufus spent the rest of the night
out in the rocker when he said something about a threesome. Not sure what that
was all about though, I never was really any good in mathematics!
So here’s my question and something I’ve been
wondering about for a long time, why’d you use to call Argo a ‘him’ all the
time? For a while you kept saying stuff like, "What’s a matter boy…hold
onto his reins", and such. Even I who don’t care much for horses; really
it’s that they don’t care much for me for some reason, but I try to not take it
personal; well, I can tell the difference between a male and female horse! So
could you explain this to me and if it's alright, can I ask more questions?
Thanks again for writing me back!
Gabrielle
----
To : gabb@potedaia.com
From : xenawp@destroyer.net
Date : Tue 4 June 454 BC 08:28 CGT
Subject : Re: A question
Gabrielle,
Argo is a gelding with a sexual identity issue. You
can ask another question, just not about Argo, she is still recovering from her
last outing.
Xena
----
To : xenawp@destroyer.net
From : gabb@potedaia.com
Date : Tue 4 June 454 BC 08:57 CGT
Subject : Puppies!!
Oh my Xena,
Poor Argo! How difficult it must be for her. Not that
there is anything wrong with it. Is there something I could do to help? I’ve been
told that when people with problems talk with me, they just don’t seem to care
anymore and I don’t really understand why this is, but it must have something
to do with jumping for joy…but off a bridge? People can be so silly when they
get to feeling better! Anyway, if there is anything I can say or do for Argo,
please let me know.
Okay, since Argo is out…oh my, aren’t I the funny
girl!! Seriously, I believe horses have the right to be all they can be,
especially warhorses. I’ll just steer away from talking about it anymore and
maybe ask a question I hope you won’t mind. One of the things I noticed in my
studies of you are the clothes you wear. C’mon, just how practical is that
leather outfit you have now? What I’m really wondering is, how in Zeus’ name you
stay in it when you do all those flips and such? I know you have many skills,
but do you have those puppies trained to stay?
Goodness, I was rather bold there in my questioning…I
tend to forget myself when I can’t figure something out and really want to
understand it. Once, I nearly lost my head with excitement learning about the
dung spreader one of our villagers invented, Mechaniclese, maybe you’ve heard
of him? I kind of got a little too close to that contraption while having a
good look at it and almost had my brains sorted. Fortunately most of
Mechaniclese inventions don’t work so great and well, no harm no fowl…really,
no harm to me, but eesh! That poor chicken!!!!
Mechaniclese now affectionately calls me ‘dung for
brains’. He’s such a nice man, albeit a tad on the smelly side. Occupational
hazard I guess.
Write me when you get the chance.
Gabrielle
----
To : gabb@potedaia.com
From : xenawp@destroyer.net
Date : Tue 4 June 454 BC 22:35 CGT
Subject : Re: Puppies!!
Gabrielle,
Ummm, regarding my gravity defying bosom, let’s just
leave it as one of my many skills.
Xena
----
To : xenawp@destroyer.net
From : gabb@potedaia.com
Date : Tue 4 June 454 BC 22:50 CGT
Subject : Food!!
Oh Xena!
How marvellous…gravity defying bosoms! <chortling
to my own self> And I’m glad you brought up your many skills. Is there
anything you just can’t do? My goodness, you are truly amazing from your skill
with your weapons, to your horsemanship, (btw, Say ‘Hi!’ to Argo for me), to
your ability to lead men into battle, all the way to shaking your groove thing
in a harem. I mean WOW!!! You are just too incredible and somebody I’d love to
be just like. I’m sure I could learn so much from you, especially if I were
ever to meet you.
I kinda did notice however, that you never talk about
food or cooking anything. I mean, you look so healthy and beautifully fit, so
you must eat nutritiously…so who does the cooking? I myself am a wonderful cook
and ever since that unfortunate fire in my mother’s cooking area, well I’ve
gotten quite good at barbecue. All the neighbors say to me, Gabby! (it always
sounds as if they are so happy to see me and say my name so loud, almost
yelling even…kind of funny how that is, like I’m hard of hearing, but I do
every time, even when the siren is wailing to call the neighbors to help
extinguish another blaze that seems to crop up at the most inopportune times,
always around dinner.) Gabby!!! You made another six alarm meal!!!!" Not
real sure where they all came up with their rating system, but I usually get at
least six alarms. Sometimes more if I try to make something special like my
flaming cherries jubilee. But I was asked to stop making that because of so
many complaints of heartburn. They’d say, "Those cherries cause too much
burnin’", and started a petition to ask me to stop. Why the magistrate got
involved I’m not totally clear about?
But aside from my famous dessert, I would absolutely
love to cook for you sometime. You’d just have to let me know what is your
favorite meal and I’d be thrilled to make it!
Hugs!
Gabrielle J
----
To : gabb@potedaia.com
From : xenawp@destroyer.net
Date : Fri 7 June 454 BC 11:34 CGT
Subject : Re: Food!!
Gabrielle,
Your offer is most generous but I am
currently…watching what I eat.
Xena
----
To : xenawp@destroyer.net
From : gabb@potedaia.com
Date : Fri 7 June 454 BC 11:40 CGT
Subject : Sub! Dom!!
Xena!
You’re dieting? Whatever for, you’re perfect just the
way you are!! I mean, goodness, if only I could look so good in leather like
you, but that time I put on my genuine replica of your leathers, well it just
didn’t accentuate the positives like it does for you. I thought dying my hair
black would help the look more, even my pony is now golden in color, but its
just not the same.
Anyway, there is a question I’ve been wondering the
answer to for a very long time, but just wasn’t too sure if it wasn’t too
personal. Now that we have gotten to know each other better, well I thought it
would be okay to ask since we’re friends. Xena, I can’t help but notice you
have a problem with commitment…you know, relationships. You keep going after
those ‘bad boys’ and it gets you nowhere. The only male relationship that
worked for you was with your brother Lyceus and wasn’t he a little on the girly
side!!! Xena, I think you’re trying to deny who and what you really are…I mean
the leather alone should have been a dead give away…you are a…cradle robber at
heart!!!! It’s okay Xena, don’t worry, I can help you, I want to help you…you
just have to let me. I know you like’em young, it goes with that whole dominant
streak you got going, and me Xena, I’m young, nubile even and willing to be
there for you!!!!!!!
Oh dear, I have to fly or I’ll be late for my
appointment with the healer again. He gives me these wonderful herbs that just
clear my thoughts so well and allow me to focus on what is truly important in
life. That and it seems to keep the Furies at bay, they don’t seem to come
around as much as they use to…I do kind of miss them though. Oh well, at least
I have you now to be with.
Have a wonderful day and I’ll be thinking about you.
With love, Gabrielle!
----
To : gabb@potedaia.com
From : xenawp@destroyer.net
Date : Wed 12 June 454 BC 21:03 CGT
Subject : Re: Sub! Dom!!
Please stop emailing me!
----
To : xenawp@destroyer.net
From : gabb@potedaia.com
Date : Wed 12 June 454 BC 21:10 CGT
Subject : LOL!!
Dearest Xena,
LOL! You are such a kidder!!! But its not like I
haven’t heard that one before, really you need to get some new material, but
its good to see you working on your sense of humor. You know you should smile
more, you have a completely captivating smile and every time I see it…oh Xena,
there is so much I want to say to you, tell you what I’m thinking, plans for
our future, my bringing you untold happiness.
Did you ever have the dream of being so much like
someone and learning from them and then becoming their best friend and
confidante, and then…after a season of getting to know one another, think you
would become their lover? Do you believe in soulmates Xena? That there is that
one special person out there waiting for you? I do and felt it the moment I
laid eyes on you. I know we are meant to be together in this lifetime and so
many more to come. Now if we could only actually meet, you would know I’m right.
All those others I thought were the real thing, were mere infatuations…I was so
confused then. As each was taken from me by the Fates, but I know with you,
this time will be different!!
Xena, I will take care of you and your big horse too,
if only you give me your home address.
With a love that cannot be stilled, Gabrielle
----
To : gabb@potedaia.com
From : xenawp@destroyer.net
Date : Thu 20 June 454 BC 09:18 CGT
Subject : Re: LOL!!
If you email me again I will come and sack your
village, have you crucified, and sell your family into slavery.
----
To : xenawp@destroyer.net
From : gabb@potedaia.com
Date : Thu 20 June 454 BC 09:23 CGT
Subject : <G!!!!
Oh happy day!!!! When Xena, when will you be here?? I
never dreamed you’d be willing to come live with me in my small and slightly
well-done village. Knowing that you are willing to settle down and to be with
me…imagine my joy!!!!! Oh, and you don’t have to worry about my family, they’re
already on vacation…somewhere…so they won’t be in our way.
<giggling nervously> Is that ‘crucifying’ you
made mention of, one of those…kinky positions I’ve heard tell of? I do realize
that a woman such as yourself, a leather wearer, probably has…many ideas to go
with those many skills. All I ask is…you be gentle with me... the first
time!!!!! After that, all bets are off!!!!!
Xena, I knew you would know…that we are meant to be
together. Your past, your dark ways, I don’t care about them for I can see the
real you and I know I can guide you…be the light in your darkness. I can change
you Xena. I will bring you so much happiness because you will finally find what
you have been seeking all those times you ravaged a village, killed a man,
destroyed a family…love. You were looking for love in all the wrong places
Xena, but know that you have now found it with me.
I am waiting for you!!!!
With a love deeper than any sea, Gabrielle
----
To : joxerfan@wimp.com
From : gabb@potedaia.com
Date : Sun 18 August 454 BC 03:33 CGT
Subject : Peek-a-boo!!!
There you are you silly warrior you!!! I had such a
time of it getting a hold of you again. You are the slippery one aren’t you…but
here I am and still wondering when you’ll get here. I know all that warrioring
takes time and lots of energy, but if you don’t take care of yourself…well,
I’ll just have to do it for you. I can be the one that takes you away from all
the demands of life and give you what you really need…me!!!!!
Oh, have you moved recently? The package I sent you
came back unopened and there didn’t seem to be any forwarding address. I sent something
very special to you, it's my own creation and they’re to die for…or so I’ve
been told. Little dough-like cakes with sweet jam inside. I think you’d love
them, my pony did and the silly thing ate way too many of them…she was a good
pony...I miss her.
Anyway, I was thinking…I do that all the time you
know, sometimes I have a problem slowing down and just relaxing because I have
all these great ideas and since I stopped taking those herbs, the Furies have
been ever so helpful with their suggestions about being with you…let me see,
where was I? I thought it would probably work out best if I came to you…no,
don’t worry, I already know where you live. Some nice warlord gave me the
directions after I did some talking to convince him how important I am to you.
He wasn’t too sure at first, but he finally saw it my way…warlords can just be
so stubborn sometimes. Oh, and I hear he is going to recover with little
permanent damage from that freakish accident he had. You’d think in their line
of business they would learn to be more careful with their own weapons…not just
leave them lying about for anybody to get a hold of!!
I best hurry now so I don’t miss my ride to get to
you. I’ll be there sometime in the next day…I do want you to have some
surprises to look forward to.
Loving and wanting you all for myself, Gabrielle
----
To : gabb@potedaia.com
From : joxerfan@wimp.com
Date : Sun 18 August 454 BC 16:43 CGT
Subject : Re: Peek-a-boo!!!
How did you get hold of my new email addy? Are you hacking
into my computer? Just leave me alone. Do you understand! GET A LIFE AND STOP
STALKING ME, YOU FREAK!!
Cutting
from the Grecian Times - Tue 20 Aug 454 BC
was quoted
as saying, "It was a pile of Centaur dung."
CRAZED FAN ATTACKS
WARRIOR
Xena:
Warrior Princess, formerly known as the Destroyer Of Nations, was nearly
destroyed by a deranged fan.
"It
was a close call for the Princess," a spokesperson for the warrior said in
her statement released earlier today. "Xena has so many loyal fans and this
one seemed innocent enough, but she crossed that line into fanaticism and
fantasy."
Constable
reports show that Gabrielle of Potidooda, gained entry to Xena’s vacation home
by posing as a visiting bard. The warlord sustained minor injuries and numerous
hickies fighting off her assailant, and eventually was able to keep the woman
subdued with a series of her trademarked pinches.
The
spokesperson for Xena further stated, "We knew there was something wrong
with her when she began citing her poem ‘Let Me Prove My Love To You’ while
brandishing a rabbit."
The
attraction, nearly fatal and most definitely one sided, resulted in the young
woman being taken into custody. Psychiatric evaluations will determine the
level of prosecution or institutionalization.
FEMALE TRIBE TO SUE
INTERNET SHOP FOR USE OF NAME
The
Amazons are up in arms after a company set up shop and started trading under
the name Solar Internet Ltd. This has resulted in a Lt in the Amazon Army,
Solari N’Ternet receiving hundreds of orders for parchments and pictures.