~ Seeking Her In Peace ~
By BlindzonElyzon

Disclaimers: The characters of Xena, Warrior Princess are the property of MCA/Universal and Ren Pics. I am only borrowing.

Acknowledgements: Kamouraskan, as always thank you for your help.

Special Notes: I am grateful that these two women exist even though they may be fictional. They allow me to create and release.

Feedback: Is always welcomed and replied to.  BlindzonElyzon@aol.com

I feel the cold wind blowing the wisps of snow across my chilled face. I have long since stopped caring about the coldness pressing down upon me, claiming my exposed features. The numbness has set in and it is now welcomed.

My thoughts stop for but a moment but then once again resume their racing flow. The barrage is constant and filled with fear of…the unknown and damning guilt.

The emotions I feel only incite these thoughts, leaving me overwhelmed and confused.

I need her back; yet there is indifference to my needs for again I am not deserving of having them met.

I did nothing to stop this. I did not act to save her, or for that matter, myself. I let her down. I failed.

The coldness brings on sleep. Finally, I feel less and the berating thoughts are becoming more subdued. I have long since stopped feeling my surroundings and the coldness is now seeping within, reaching my soul, giving it comfort.

Peace is nearly here.

Not forgiveness.

Barely seeing now, the snow swirling about me and the form in front of me. The blood nearly disappeared with each drifting blow of the white blanket. Hiding my transgression. Putting away my failure.

I won’t leave her. Now I can’t. I will remain until we are together again. I am alone now, part of that is my doing but it is unwelcomed and unwanted. The void yearns to be filled but I am unsure I will ever be complete again.

I look unseeingly at her. Thoughts are beginning to slow and to my relief, nothingness is being perceived. The white grows darker, first gray and now nearly black. I will not take my unseeing eyes from her.

I was not there for her the first time, but I will be now. I will be always.

Rest now, I will be here but I must rest. I will not leave you again.

Nothing, the pain is gone, the heaviness replaced by…nothing. My thoughts no longer here…only on…sleep.

I will find you there. Wait for me…I am coming…now.